Friday 4 January 2013

Bonking all over the world

                                        'Progressive individuals are likely to join her'

It is of course standard lazy journalism to find a nutter, get her to say something, and then manufacture a moral outrage in response. As a firm believer in the value of tradition, I see no reason why I shouldn't indulge myself (particularly in the post-prandial fug from the Christmas season)...

Thanks to the Huffington Post, we have been treated to the thoughts of the self styled 'Pleasure Professor', Louise van der Welde, on the future of marriage. Under the heading, 'Monogamy Is Out: I'm Living a New Model of Relationships and it Works', van der Welde (puffing her own book of course and therefore being rather coy about the precise details in advance of a purchase) says:

The truth is that we have all got the capacity to find happiness in relationships. To create a relationship scene, where we sit in the centre, and attract the heights of intimacy as it suits us.

I have spent my career counseling couples on their relationships and sex lives. It's no wonder I advocate a new model of relationships that truly makes people happy.

If it means rocking the boat to get my message across, then so be it. What I'm all about is helping people become whole in themselves so they can attract the right partner from the off.

That way we can make ourselves and others happy, without the pressures or expectations that arise from a traditional, and, I would argue, outdated, one-man, one-woman relationship.

[...]progressive individuals out there who want more, who know in their heart of hearts that they can have it all, are likely to join me.

I'm living the new model of relationships, and I can assure you, it not only works, it'll help you reach new heights of intimacy, that you may not have ever previously dreamed possible.

Now, Professor Pleasure does seem a gold plated New Age fruitcake:

As so often happens with therapists, there comes a time when the whole universe tests you. For Louise, this was the time she put all the learnings she had gained from 15 years of experience, into practice. She used techniques like NLP, Time line therapy and yoga to bring balance and health back to her life. By firmly believing in the possibility of miracles and that all we ever need at any time is inside of us, Louise transformed her life for good. 


The very popular Transformation Treatment has become Louise’s signature, uniquely designed using her vast life experiences and amazing change therapies. It works so profoundly and rapidly, because it is not slowed or blocked by the traditional “what, why and how’s” of old-school psychology. Quite simply the seven steps of The Transformation process work on clearing and changing emotions, thus creating resolution and release of problems at the depth and cellular level of their creation. Once we remove those negative e-motions (which are “energy – in – motion”) a feeling of confidence, well-being and ultimately total contentment can prevail. Louise has a huge passion for what she does and is delighted to be living her life’s purpose guiding and helping people to cure disease, and achieve their highest aspirations in life. (Both quotes from her website.)

But the basic mix of a) the buffered individual ('you can't judge what's inside of me, man') b) the consequent unchallengeability of desire, and c) the distrust of any settled pattern or institutional solution is commonplace.

The Catholic vision of marriage is different. In many senses, it is built on the fact that life long monogamy doesn't suit us: it's a real struggle to surrender your ego, your male (or female) interests to a person of the opposite sex -and to children. That's not easy, but precisely because it's not easy, that it requires effort and self-sacrifice, for those reasons it's profoundly worthwhile in a way that a relationship where 'we sit in the centre' just isn't.

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